Single Women Series: Girl, You're Not Married YET?

Anything that's ever been said about single women like me and why we're not married, I've heard it. I've heard it ALL! I can't tell you how many times people have said...

"Your standards are too high, girl. Dang!"

"He gon' have to be a SUPER Christian to get witchu'!"

"But you don't even give nobody a chance before you cut 'em."

"Iantha, sometimes you have to just work with people. He might not be where you are spiritually, but you can help him get there."

"He can't smoke OR drink? Girl, good luck with that."

"There aren't very many men who will wait until marriage for sex."

"You intimidate men. You're too confident. That makes them feel weak."

And most recently... "And then you went and bought a house? He's really gon' be intimidated now. You've done everything for yourself. What's left for him to do for you?"

Call me crazy (you won't be the first or the last), but I'm just CRAZY enough to believe that if I'm joyfully living a life that pleases God, there are men out there who are doing the same. In fact, I'm sure of it! Women aren't the only species on the face of the earth who love and obey and trust God with their whole hearts. I'm CRAZY enough to believe that if I'm living a life that's concerned ONLY with what HE tells me to do, that there are men out there with the same concern. I'm CRAZY enough to believe that if I'm living a life that's governed by the standards HE set, that there are men out there living by those same standards.

And I'm CRAZY enough to believe that I should wait for someone like me who's looking to find someone like me. Because they're out there. The Godly men are out there looking CRAZY too.

They, too, have high standards. They know what GOD wants for them, and they don't settle. A Godly man can see, early on in getting to know a woman, if she will be worth his time. Her words and actions tell him exactly who she is, and the discernment he gets from the Holy Spirit tells him if he should stick around or call it quits, even if he's only had one day in her presence. Not just any woman will do. God cares about him and requires His best for him, and since God has a relationship with that man, he can speak to his heart and give him the "inside track" so he won't waste time. When a woman sees (and men too) that "I don't have to try you to know you,"  or "I don't even have to give you a real chance for you to show me who you are," it can make the man appear overly confident, and in some women's eyes, it can even seem arrogant. But this Godly man is neither of those things. He's just sure. He's sure he's heard from God and he knows that God won't lead Him wrong. He cuts ties before they're even formed. He doesn't need unnecessary, unhealthy emotional attachments and drama. He guards his heart from that type of foolishness, which at the same time, guards her heart. And for that, she should be grateful. He cares about her well being because he respects her spirit, even though he sees no future with her. And that assuredness...that confidence...that boldness to trust God over what's before him is what some women see as overly confident and arrogant and CRAZY.

Will this woman have to be a SUPER Christian to get next to this Godly man? Probably not, because what is a SUPER Christian anyway? What she will have to be is genuine, though. She won't SAY she loves God and that she lives for Him but DO something different. She won't SAY that she's a Christian who lives a life that reflects Christ's nature but DO things contrary to what He commands. Her life will bear fruit, or be a palpable example of her commitment to Christ and her love for God's people. There will be no guessing "who" she is or who she represents. She won't be one way at church and with one group of friends, but totally different with her co-workers and a different set of friends. She will know her purpose. She will be sure of what God's called her to do in the earth. He won't have to help her or wait on her to get where he is spiritually because they'll both be so enveloped in their "already" relationships with God. They'll understand that God is who causes growth to take place and that as long as they both submit to Him, they'll be exactly who each other needs as they grow together.


This Godly man doesn't smoke or drink and he doesn't involve himself in any other activity that is harmful to his body or his spirit. Why would he want to connect in marriage--LIFE partnership--with someone who does? Wouldn't that be foolish? And yes, he gets bashed and called CRAZY for not engaging in sex outside of the sacred marriage relationship, but he honors his body AND hers enough to not give of himself to anyone but his wife. He refuses to create soul ties with anyone but her since having committed himself wholeheartedly to the Lord. He knows his strength lies in his ability to honor God, regardless of what others say, so he controls his flesh. His flesh doesn't control him. He's not driven by every emotional whim and understands that just because his flesh cries out and screams for what it wants, doesn't mean it should have it.

And yes. He has established himself financially and planned for his future. If God has blessed him to be able to own a home or whatever else his heart desires, he owns it. If he's been blessed to travel the world, he travels. He doesn't set limits on what he can do or where he can go or what he can have. He doesn't sit around waiting to have a wife so he can start his life. In fact, he's so busy honoring God with his time and so busy doing what God has called him to do in the earth that finding her isn't AS important. He wants her. He's actually in pursuit of her, but his pursuit doesn't consume him. He'll know when he sees her.

He'll know her.

He'll know because she'll be the one who has standards as high as his. And he won't be intimidated because her confidence in Christ will be refreshing. She'll be the one who knows what God has called her to do in the earth, and he'll know it because she'll be busy doing it when he "sees" her. She'll be so focused that she won't even know he's "watching".

She'll be the one who doesn't smoke or drink or do anything else that's harmful to her body or her spirit because she understands that her body isn't her own. She knows her body belongs to God so He can use it for His purposes. She'll be that CRAZY one who understands that sex is designed for marriage and will refuse to even deal with him unless that's perfectly clear between them from the start.

She'll be the one who isn't afraid to live life because God has blessed her to be able to do so. She will not have put her life on hold to wait on anyone because she knows to him it'll look like he has to be her savior, and he doesn't want to be that. He doesn't want her to look to him to be the answer to her loneliness or emptiness or... In fact, he'll be most attracted to her love for life and her desire to build God's kingdom with complete devotion to the Lord alone. He'll be grateful just to have her help, as his wife, as he fulfills the purpose that God has placed on his life.

When he sees THAT woman, he'll know he's found his wife. And when he sees her, she'll be right there. She'll know him when she sees him too, and she'll answer his call.